


A Guilty Conscious

by Laurali25



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 15:04:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14022828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurali25/pseuds/Laurali25
Summary: Set after No Man's Land S3E01 but only referencing it. Caldwell is in Atlantis while the Daedalus is being repaired. Major Lorne is feeling guilty for not being able to help more while on Orion. Caldwell helps ease some of that guilt.





	A Guilty Conscious

**Author's Note:**

> I have a soft spot for Colonel Caldwell (well Mitch Pileggi in general). I don't think he's quite the jerk the show makes him out to be. And some may notice my soft spot reference to a green-eyed assassin from another fandom near and dear to my heart.

It was the early hours of the morning and Major Lorne wandered the halls of Atlantis. He couldn’t sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he could see his failure on The Orion. Lorne logically knew it wasn’t his fault, there was nothing he could do to get The Orion’s systems functioning in time to help anymore with the hive ships.

The major found himself out on the east pier. He took a seat at the end with a heavy sigh. The weather seemed to match his mood. The storm clouds were rolling in fast and the lightening that was dancing across was striking closer and closer. Deep in his dark thoughts he didn’t hear the foot steps getting closer.

Colonel Caldwell had come out to the pier to watch the storm. One of the few pleasures he took full advantage when he had the chance. Caldwell saw the man at the edge of the dock but approached cautiously. 

“Major Lorne?” The man started violently, almost sending him off the end of the pier. Caldwell moved quickly, dragging the younger man back from the edge. “Major Lorne? Are you alright?”  
The major scrambled to his feet in some semblance of a salute, “I'm sorry sir, I didn’t hear you.”  
“Well that much obvious major, at ease. I heard the thunder and came out here to watch the storm. Just like you.”

Major Lorne nodded, trying to relax in the other man’s presence. Colonel Caldwell has never made it that easy for any of the men and women under his command. The colonel sat down near the spot Lorne had occupied. Lorne inched back to his original spot. He felt that maybe he was sitting too close to the older man but Lorne shook it off and turned his attention back to the storm.

“Everything okay major?”

“Yes. Everything is okay sir.”

“Major Lorne, we both know that’s a lie. Insomnia is rarely born out of everything being ‘okay'. So what’s wrong?” Lorne gave a side glance to the man next to him and took a deep breath.

“I'm sorry, for everything with Orion. You wouldn’t be stuck here, your ship wouldn’t need so much work…if, if I had been able to get things up and running on Orion. Sir.” He chanced a look at Caldwell. Lorne flushed when he realized the colonel was staring at him.

“Lorne, do you really think any of that was your fault? You had a team of people working with you to try and get the Orion up and running. Everyone knew it was a risk. Orion was barely in any condition but we did what we had to do. Do you blame any of your team?”

“Of course not sir! They worked as hard as they could!”

“But you blame yourself? Major! There’s no way you or any of the team you had with you were at fault. We ALL knew the risks.” Caldwell was a not what one would call ‘touchy-feely' but he saw the young man’s distress and couldn’t stop himself from slinging an arm around his shoulder with a squeeze.

Lorne jumped a little at the contact. Caldwell never struck him as the affectionate sort but he wasn’t willing to let the opportunity pass. Physical affection was hard to come by, especially being a part of the senior staff. Weir was willing to overlook fraternizing amongst the officers and scientists but Lorne wasn’t willing to risk the potential drama that could bring, especially with DADT still firmly in place.

“I’m not sure why you feel as guilty as you do but you need to stop, you’re a good officer. A good balance for Sheppard. You wouldn’t be in your position if you didn’t deserve to be.”

“Thank you sir.” Lorne didn’t realize just how much sleep he'd been losing as he settled more heavily against the colonel.

The two men sat watching the approaching storm together, both studiously avoiding thinking of the implications their current position meant. Caldwell gazed at the storm, the wind had picked up and the thunder and lightening strikes were getting closer. The colonel was about to suggest heading in when Lorne slid from his shoulder to his lap. The man was out cold.

“Major, Major Lorne,” a shake to the shoulder resulted in a face rub and snuffled against his thigh. That caused a definite reaction for the colonel. One he had worked since boot camp, since Alex, to ignore. Another, sturdier shake to the shoulder, voice a little louder “Evan!”

The major's eyes popped open, a sheepish grin in place as he sat up. “Sorry sir.”

“Quite alright, being able to be comfortable enough to sleep like that around me just means you really need to get some rest. I've been told I can be...unapproachable bordering on cold.”

Lorne barely suppressed a chuckle, “I think maybe you’re just misunderstood. Sir.”

“Steven.” Lorne’s eyebrows flew up to his hairline.

“Sir?”

“Steven” the colonel repeated patiently with a very pointed look, “We aren’t around other personal or officers. And you did just take a nap on me. I think you can probably call me by name major. In private of course.” Steven continued to stare out at the storm, unable to trust himself if he looked at Evan right now.

Lorne nodded, not quite believing what he was hearing. “Then, in private, Evan is probably acceptable as well. Steven.” The colonel risked a glance and smiled, enjoying the way the younger man said his name. Evan grinned back, the colonel rarely smiled. It looked good on him.

“Well then Evan, we should probably head inside. The rain should be catching up to that soon.” Both man looked out over the water and began heading back inside. The walk back to the senior quarters was a quiet one. 

“Well this is me,” Evan gave the older man a shy smile, blushing, suddenly feeling like he was being walked to his door at the end of a date. “Colonel...Steven, thank you. For the pep talk…and for letting me fall asleep on you. I didn’t realize how much sleep I wasn’t getting.”

“Quite alright Evan. You need to let that guilt go.”

A nod, another shy smile, and Evan disappeared into his room. Steven turned away and made it back to his temporary quarters, with the door safely closed he let out a deep sigh. Evan was too attractive. Too much like his Alexei. Shorter. Not the sharp, cat-like green eyes but still just as appealing. He stripped down and got into bed. The images shifting from Alex to Evan and back, before the colonel fell into a fitful sleep.

Evan meanwhile drifted to sleep with thoughts of warm brown eyes, he like so many others once thought were so cold.


End file.
